Saturday, May 8, 2010

Learning Patience

I have always considered myself a patient person.  In fact, when in second grade, my teacher Mrs. Ross once told me how patient she thought I was.  I didn't think much of it at the time, I was, after all, only in second grade.  But, I am no longer in second grade and over the last 20 some years since Mrs. Ross made that comment to me, I have noticed that I am a relatively patient person.  Until now.  Right now, and for about the last 10 days, I have felt very impatient.  I wasn't going to blog about this, because, well, I don't really know why not.  I have posted about this on facebook, I have talked with many about it, and have even shed a few tears of frustration...and a few tears of fear...about it.  I have researched it, watched closely over it, and have spent much time in prayer over it.  Since I don't keep a journal anymore (four kids and a photography business have kept me from it), it's time for me to just write about and it...and this seems to be the place.

It has consumed me.

It is Leah's health.

Wednesday April 28th started like every other typical day.  I got the girls ready for school like normal.  I heard Leah cry through her monitor, and since I was about to watch the girls get on the bus, I left her there.  I went into her room about 10 minutes later and could tell right away that she wasn't feeling well.  Over 24 hours before this she had thrown up twice and had diarrhea once but Tuesday she had been absolutely fine.  I picked her up and kissed her sweet little forehead like every other Mother who thinks something isn't right. It's that Mother's Thermometer.  However, this time, there was no fever.  I thought it was strange that she didn't have a fever because she looked so pathetic.  As I carried her down stairs, I knew that something just wasn't right with her.  She was very limp, she couldn't even hold her head up on her own.  Leah's sweet blue eyes were glassed over and they kept rolling back into her head as she would drift off to sleep.  This girl has not slept in my arms since she was an infant, and this morning, she couldn't stay awake.  My heart was heavy as I knew that something just wasn't right with my sweet baby.  I ended up taking her to the doctors office (because that's what the nurse said I should do, against my gut feeling that I should just take her to Children's...won't do that again!) where her doctor took one look at her and told me to go straight to Children's.  She did listen to her heart and lungs to make sure she didn't need an ambulance, and decided I could drive her.  She was still asleep and listless.

We arrived at the Children's around 10:00 and the hustle and bustle began.  We had almost immediate and wonderful treatment for our Sleeping Beauty.  It was so scary to see my Leah not wake up.  The nurses did 2 urine caths and set up an IV and the most Leah did was open her eyes and grunt.  The ER doctor was very concerned that Leah would not fight her...she was just so tired.  Blood was drawn and it was determined that her blood sugar levels were very low.  She had a reading of 40, normal is 80-120.  They gave her a bolus of glucose, a slow drip bag of glucose, and then 2 separate bags of sugar water.  Her levels rose nicely, but she was still very sleepy and listless and we were admitted.  Around 4:15 she woke up, drank some juice, and then screamed inconsolably for about 45 minutes.  It wore her out so much that she went back to sleep for about another 2 hours!  She sure does look sweet, though, doesn't she?!

She was awake and happy for about 3 hours that evening, walking the halls and working her charm on all the nurses!  We spent the night, Leah in her comfy crib, and I on the very uncomfy pull out couch!

Thursday morning we were discharged, but with no real answers as to what happened.  This is where my impatience rears it's ugly head.  While we were in the ER and after being admitted, the docs just kept talking about Leah being a medical mystery.  They just couldn't figure out what happened to cause her blood sugar to drop so low, something that should not happen without a reason.  There are a few "ideas" out there right now.  One is that she may have Celiac's Disease, a condition where she basically can not have gluten.  We are waiting on a blood test right now.  The other is that it may be a metabolic disorder, but we can't test for that until she has another "epidsode" so they can draw blood for an accurate test.  So, we wait.

In the meantime, on Thursday evening Leah started throwing up again.  She threw up three times before she went to bed.  Friday morning I saw a friend of mine at preschool who's daughter has diabetes.  She tested Leah's sugar for me and it was down to 60 again.  Boo!  She let me borrow a meter so I could test her throughout the day, and I called the pediatrician again.  She spoke with a metabolic specialist who said that at this time it would not be accurate unless she was acting really sick again like last week.  Her sugar went as low as 43 yesterday and when she woke up from her nap, it was back up to 92!  That silly little girl!  Now, today, she has diarrhea and won't eat much and her sugar is all over the place, mostly low.

Can I just tell you how frustrated I am that I can't do anything about this!?  Can I tell you how frustrated I am that no one can tell me what is wrong with her?  Can I tell you how frustrated I am that I can't prevent this from happening again?  And can I tell you how much I love that little girl and it's scaring me to know that something just isn't quite right with her?  This is the area where God is teaching me patience.  He is reminding me that Leah is His child first.  He knows what is best for her and He knows every detail about her, down to the number of hairs on her head.  He is a good God and His plan is for her and our family is good.

So this is a journey that wasn't in our plans, but we are going where God wants us to go.  Where He leads, I will follow.  And I have a feeling I will be learning patience all the way.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Oh, Kim, I don't even know what to say. I can't begin to imagine your frustration and pain as you watch Leah go through this not knowing what is wrong. It breaks my heart to even think about. I'm so sorry. I will continue to pray for all of you.